Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
