Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
