I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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