Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
