Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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