how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
