They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I am naked and annoyed.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
