I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Say something about gay babies.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
