HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
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