We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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