oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
