also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
