I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
