If i come over, it means nothing
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
