Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
