i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
