we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
