We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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