I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
