I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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