Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
