I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
