sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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