Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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