she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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