does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
