I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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