Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
