You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
