I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
