So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
