What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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