Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
