He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
