Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
