put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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