My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
as a side note pls kill me
We need to feng shui this bitch.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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