The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
he shaved USA in his pubs
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
