apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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