we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
