You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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