I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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