Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
