How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
