Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
