Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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