i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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