your parents love me but you hate me
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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