none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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