I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
