i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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